Q. After lengthy litigation, we recently collected a large outstanding bill from a client who filed a frivolous counterclaim against us for malpractice. To prevent this from happening again, may we require binding arbitration in future retainer agreements?
Q. I'm ashamed to admit that I don't know how to balance my own checkbook. Knowing that banks are reporting overdrafts to the grievance board, I'm terrified of bouncing a check on my trust account. May I keep some extra money in the account just to be safe?
Q. After two other lawyers let her down, a sexual harassment victim approached me to fight for fair compensation. I haven't done these cases before, but she thinks the case is worth millions in light of the #MeToo movement. Should I take the case?
Q. In 25 years of practice, I've never thrown anything away. But I'm moving to a smaller office without much storage space. May I toss my closed client files?
Q. I'm not inclined to make excuses. But things have been so hectic in my office that I let a nice accident case slip through the cracks and failed to file suit by the limitations deadline. My head is spinning. What should I do now?
Q. After emailing several documents to opposing counsel, she slammed me for failing to encrypt the message and exposing records on her client's medical history. Must I encrypt these emails?
Q. Using ransomware, hackers recently locked our firm's data and demanded bitcoins to release it. It cost us around $10,000 to get our data back. But if our clients find out, we'll lose a lot more. Must we tell them?
Q. I may not have enough business to justify a credit card merchant account. But apps like Paypal and Venmo let my clients send fees and retainers online. Are such payments allowed?
Q. To help me celebrate April Fool's Day, the local sheriff will have my law partner detained as he walks into court today. When he asks why, the sheriff will say he's being arrested for the prank he pulled on me last year. Pretty hilarious, huh?
Q. Most injury lawyers have difficulty getting treating physicians on the phone. But I just say I'm a "doctor" and their receptionists put me right through. Is that the right prescription?
Q. Before leaving, our Chief Legal Officer reported directly to our CEO. Rather than keep counsel in upper management, may we eliminate the position and have our next lawyer report to a manager who works beneath our COO?
Q. An engaged couple wants to retain me in an accident case. The boyfriend drove through an intersection when a truck ran a red light and crashed into them. May I represent both?
Q. My client has threatened me with a lawsuit and an ethics complaint unless I refund her legal fees. Should I pay her to release these claims?
Q. Representing a large manufacturer, I sent a demand letter threatening to sue its competitor and promising a nasty discovery process that would be the "legal equivalent of a proctology exam." Did I go too far?
Q. My knucklehead criminal defense client texted me that he really wants to testify. He's got loads of priors, and the prosecutor will eat him alive. How can I get my point across so that he stays far away from the witness stand?
Q. My client from Athens doesn't speak English. I don't speak Greek. But her son speaks both languages and, until recently, served as my "liaison." Now, they're no longer on speaking terms, and I feel "lost in translation." What should I do now?
Q. I charge an "engagement fee" in divorce cases. My retainer provides that this $1,000 fee is "non-refundable" and "earned upon receipt." If nothing else, this ensures that I won't represent the other side. Must I put this fee in my trust account?
If you're into blogging,
Take great care before you post.
Lest you risk a flogging,
As host to the musings of a ghost.
-- Ghostwritten by Irwin R. Kramer